A Family Tree Without Roots: Remembering Our Elders

As time passes, it is inevitable that the branches of a family tree will thin out. Last year, I visited the last of my elder family members, and it was a bittersweet moment. Sadly, there is no elder family to visit except me. Today, all that remains are my cousins, while my grandparents and parents are no longer with us.

The Last of the Family

For several years, the last two apples on one limb of my family tree lived 16 hours by car from my son and me. These were our last kin nearby, and they were extremely important. They provided a sense of familial fellowship, especially during holidays. They were touchstones that anchored me and my son during our formative years.

However, when they decided to sell their house and move out of state, it was a turning point. No longer could we visit them as easily. This move marked the end of our proximity and the end of our physical visits. I knew it was just a matter of time before I would no longer be able to see them at all.

Aiding a Son and Grieving

I tried to shield my son from the full weight of this change. I couldn’t bear the thought of him feeling the loss of these vital family connections. Yet, it was a profound loss for both of us. When they sold their house and moved far away, it was like a death, even if it was a physical one. And the pain of that loss is not always visible or acknowledged.

For me, the void left by their absence was profound. Powerlessness can rob us of our core functions—like a computer losing essential features. The absence of a physical presence can create an emptiness that fills with grief and a feeling of being shut out. When everyone around you is distant or uninformed about the depth of your feelings, it can exacerbate the sense of isolation and grief.

ARion

When they finally moved, I found myself ‘dropping out.’ It was in part relief for them, but for me, it was a coping mechanism and a profound act of grief. However, the decision also felt like a turning point for me. It was a reminder of past visits and cherished memories, but also a harsh reminder of my own loss. The grief was deep and complex, but it was magnified by the fact that no one fully understood my pain.

Conclusion

Life moves on, and so does the family tree. While it’s painful to see our connections diminish, it is essential to acknowledge and grieve these losses. The memories and connections we have with our elder family members shape who we are and how we navigate the world. It is also important to find ways to remember them, perhaps through storytelling, photos, or engaging with other members of the family. This act not only honors our elders but also helps us move forward with a sense of continuity and understanding.

Keywords

elder family, family tree, familial bond