How to Move On from a BPD Relationship: Avoiding Vain Retribution

When dealing with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), it can be tempting to seek revenge, especially if you believe they have caused you pain through abandonment or meddling.

Understanding BPD

People with BPD have intense emotions and difficulties in relationships. They often fear abandonment and may drive others away through unpredictable behavior. Focusing on revenge can be a misguided attempt to manage the chaos, but it only brings more harm.

The Pitfalls of Revenge

Attempting to take revenge often leads to a cycle of retribution that can prolong your suffering. It distracts you from moving forward and can even hinder your healing process. Focusing on your feelings and desires for revenge might momentarily satisfy a temporary urge, but it does not solve the underlying issues.

Examples of Failed Revenge

One of my exes, also with BPD, tried to seek revenge, affecting me for a brief period but ultimately had no lasting impact. He invested significant time and effort into tracking my contacts, spreading false information, and even lying to others. However, it was all for naught, as I quickly moved on and cleaned up my digital footprint.

The Reality of Revenge

Attempting revenge, especially when the person has already moved on, is mostly futile. The damage you think you are causing may end up looking ridiculous. For instance, my ex sent a detailed account of his relationship with someone else, which amounted to little more than a boastful narrative.

Focus on Self-Care and Healing

Moving past a BPD relationship requires self-reflection and healing. Instead of seeking vengeance, consider:

Seek therapy to understand and address your emotions. Practice mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques. Connect with supportive friends and loved ones. Engage in hobbies and activities that bring you joy. Plan and pursue personal goals.

These steps can help you redirect your energy away from seeking retribution and towards cultivating a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Address the Underlying Issues

If you find yourself still harboring feelings of revenge, consider discussing these feelings with a therapist. They can help you understand the root of these emotions and guide you towards healthier coping mechanisms.

Conclusion

While it may be tempting, taking revenge against someone with BPD is not an effective or advisable strategy for emotional healing. By focusing on self-care and addressing the underlying issues, you can move past the pain and begin to rebuild a fulfilling life.

Remember, the goal should be to find peace and happiness, not to seek retribution. Throwing energy into revenge only prolongs your suffering and obscures the path to recovery.