Understanding Push-Back Behaviors in Borderline Personality Disorder: Why a Person Might Push You Away

When someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) pushes you away, it may feel confusing and disheartening. However, these actions are often rooted in deeper dynamics than just simple disinterest. This article aims to shed light on why a person with BPD might exhibit push-back behaviors despite expressing a desire to be close.

1. Initial Highs and Misaligned Intentions

The introductory phase of a relationship with someone suffering from BPD can be captivating. They can appear particularly charming and appealing, but this initial allure often masks deeper issues. Many individuals with BPD, driven by a tendency towards people-pleasing or seeking validation, may be using you for their own purposes rather than genuine affection.

1.1 Financial and Material Benefits

Certain individuals may be drawn to people who can provide financial stability or other material benefits. A common suspicion here is whether the initial interest in you is related to your economic status. However, it's important to recognize that these desires are often predominant and serve as a primary catalyst for their interest.

1.2 Stability and Grounding

People with BPD often seek stable and emotionally grounded individuals. They may perceive you as someone who can offer this stability and predictability, which is vital for their mental health. This need can lead to a facade of genuine interest that masks underlying insecurities.

2. Traps and Pre-Designed Drama

Over time, you may start to notice more red flags. Individuals with BPD are known for their manipulative and unpredictable behaviors. They might set up what seem like innocent interactions but are actually designed to create emotional turmoil.

2.1 Setting Traps

These individuals can be skilled at leading you into situations where they can manipulate your emotions. They may do this by making promises, expecting certain behaviors, or setting traps that they predict will cause distress. Recognizing these patterns can be crucial for your emotional well-being.

2.2 Pre-Calculated Drama

BPD individuals are known for their dramatic and unpredictable actions. The term "pre-calculated drama" refers to the carefully planned manipulative behaviors that are designed to evoke specific emotional reactions from you. It's a clear indication of their manipulative nature and can be a significant red flag in a relationship.

3. Lack of Genuine Connection

One of the most critical aspects to consider is the authenticity of the relationship. People with BPD often struggle with maintaining genuine connections. Here are some signs to watch out for:

3.1 Inconsistent Behaviors and Words

The saying "words and actions don't match" comes to life in BPD relationships. They may actively lie, manipulate, and project their own insecurities and emotional burdens onto you without sincere regard for your feelings. This is a clear sign of a lack of genuine connection.

3.2 Gut Instincts and Body Language

Your intuition can be a powerful ally in gauging the authenticity of a relationship. Pay attention to body language, vocal patterns, and other non-verbal cues that may indicate dishonesty. Trust your instincts, as your subconscious is often more attuned to these nuances.

4. Decline in Relationship Quality

While someone with BPD may show good intentions and perform well at the beginning of a relationship, this can quickly deteriorate. Be wary of a significant decline in the quality of their actions over time. This could be the manifestation of underlying issues that are not easily resolved and may be indicative of manipulative behaviors.

4.1 Disproportionate Decline

The actions of someone with BPD can wax and wane dramatically. If you start to notice a significant decline in the things they once did for you, it's important to question the authenticity of their intentions. Trust your gut, as this decline is often a result of manipulative patterns rather than genuine redemption.

5. The Importance of Trusting Your Intuition

Intuition is a powerful tool in navigating relationships with someone who has BPD. It can help you recognize patterns of dishonesty and emotional manipulation. Here are some practical steps to consider:

5.1 Listening Closely to Your Gut

Your intuition is a vital source of information. When you feel something is off, it's often correct. Don't dismiss these feelings, as they can prevent you from falling into harmful and exploitative situations.

5.2 Observing Red Flags

Be vigilant for red flags such as sudden changes in behavior, inconsistent promises, and manipulative tactics. These are all indicators that the relationship may not be as genuine as it initially appeared.

5.3 Focusing on Actions Over Words

A relationship should be judged not just by what someone says, but by what they do. Actions speak louder than words, and observing consistent patterns of behavior rather than just words can help you determine the true nature of the relationship.

Understanding the complexities of BPD and recognizing push-back behaviors can be challenging, but it is essential for your emotional well-being. Trusting your intuition and focusing on actions rather than words can help you avoid becoming entangled in manipulative relationships.