Understanding and Dealing with "Only When Needed" Friends

Friendship is one of the most cherished relationships we share. However, there are certain individuals who can be categorized as 'friends' primarily based on situations or specific needs. These people can sometimes be difficult to navigate, as they only reach out to you when they require assistance or favors. Learning to identify these dynamics and understanding how to handle such relationships can help maintain healthier social interactions.

What Are "Only When Needed" Friends?

Individuals who are only friends when they need something are often referred to as emotional vampires or social parasites. These terms describe people who are not genuinely invested in the friendship and tend to reach out only when they have a specific need or benefit to gain. Emotional vampires can drain your energy and resources, leaving you feeling frustrated and undervalued.

The Concept of a Friend in Need

The saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed." holds weight, but it’s important not to misinterpret this as an obligation to always be there for them. If a friend consistently relies on you for help without reciprocating, they may be taking advantage of your kindness. It’s perfectly acceptable to set boundaries and expect some form of reciprocity.

Michael Burnside: A Case in Point

Michael Burnside is a testament to the existence of such friendships. He invokes his connections only when it suits his needs. Recently, he asked a favor to act as an executor for his will, a task that would normally be seen by a willing family member or professional. The will was full of tax dodges, making it unappealing to anyone else. During a holiday stay at Michael's friend's place, he exhibited a range of behaviors that highlighted his patterns of behavior:

Arriving with minimal belongings, including an empty wallet and nearly finished alcohol. Binge-drinking on someone else's tab, while he drinks one drink, leaving the next for a different friend to cover. Checking out higher quality wine options at parties to savor the best of the selection. Claiming a false age to garner sympathy or subtly influence interactions.

These actions indicate a pattern of selfishness and self-absorption. Some have even more colorfully described him as a 'piss taker'

Dealing with Emotional Drain

Dealing with these types of individuals requires clear communication and setting boundaries. Here are some steps you can take:

Communicate Your Feelings: Discuss your concerns with the individual, expressing how their actions make you feel. This can prompt them to change or provide a clearer understanding of each other's expectations. Set Clear Boundaries: Establish what you are and are not willing to provide, and be consistent in enforcing these limits. Seek Support: If these situations are recurring, consider seeking support from other friends, family, or professionals. Limit Interaction: If the behavior persists, it may be wise to reduce the frequency or intensity of your interactions to protect your mental and emotional well-being. Terminate Unhealthy Relationships: If the situation becomes intolerable, it might be necessary to disengage from the relationship altogether.

Conclusion

While it is natural to want to help friends in need, it's important to recognize when a friendship is becoming toxic. Understanding the dynamics at play and setting clear boundaries can help you maintain healthy relationships and protect your well-being.

Keywords: friendship toxicity, emotional vampires, social dynamics, friend boundaries, friendship manipulation