Why Do People Think Incels Choose to Be Incels?

The perception that people labeled as incels choose to be without romantic or sexual relationships is both misconceived and unwarranted. This article aims to debunk these myths, offering a more nuanced understanding of the realities faced by this often misunderstood group.

Other Men Putting Them Off the Scent

It's important to recognize that the narrative around incels is often skewed by a comparison with individuals in the perceived control group. This group, which isn't defined by any specific demographic or characteristic, holds societal power, often leading to a false dichotomy where incels are portrayed as the "outsiders" in a world dominated by the "insiders."

The term "incel" stands for involuntary celibate, emphasizing that these individuals did not make a conscious or deliberate choice to abstain from romantic or sexual relationships. However, the belief persists that incels choose this lifestyle, reflecting a broader societal misunderstanding of their struggles.

Who Are Incels?

When individuals are called incels, it's often because their sexual desires aren't being met, leading to a profound sense of alienation and frustration. The term stems from a community that defines itself in contrast to others who seemingly have better access to relationships. However, this does not mean that they actively choose to remain single; rather, they are victims of a system that often marginalizes them.

Some common misconceptions include the idea that incels are unsavable, often stemming from remarks such as, "Because they are ugly as fuck and couldn’t get a shag if they paid for it." Such statements are both hurtful and inaccurate. While physical appearance can play a role in dating, it is unfair to assume that all incels are unattractive or incapable of forming meaningful relationships.

Why Do People Think Incels Choose to Be Incels?

The belief that incels choose to be single is rooted in a misunderstanding of their circumstances. The term "involuntary" in "involuntary celibate" is crucial. These individuals do not choose their status but find themselves in a situation where they're unable to find romantic or sexual partners due to a myriad of factors, including mental health issues, social anxiety, and broader societal trends.

People who are unsuccessful in gaining romantic or sexual attention often feel entitled to blame others for their failures. However, this overlooks the fact that many incels do make efforts to change their situation. Paying for sexual encounters, for example, is not a viable long-term solution for those seeking meaningful connections.

The notion that incels lack the choice to change their circumstances is a misconception. Choosing not to engage in the work required to improve one's social and romantic life is a conscious decision. Factors such as financial stability, health, and mental well-being can greatly influence one's ability to form relationships. For instance, broke men can and do find partners, and men with physical disabilities often have loving relationships.

Calling oneself an incel is seen as admitting defeat and swears off any further self-improvement. It encourages a fatalistic view of one's future, where one believes they are owed fulfillment simply because they are capable of sexual activity. This mindset perpetuates a cycle of negativity and does nothing for personal growth.

In short, the idea that incels choose to be without romantic or sexual relationships misunderstands the complex realities of their lives. It's time to dispel these myths and adopt a more humane and empathetic approach to understanding the challenges faced by those labeled as incels.

Note: Understanding and empathy play a vital role in addressing the issues faced by the incel community. By recognizing the nuances of their experiences, we can foster a more inclusive and supportive society.