Why Haven't You Initiated Conversations About End-of-Life Care Preferences?

Many of us shy away from discussing end-of-life care preferences with our family members, fearing that such conversations would cause unnecessary stress and strain on relationships. However, avoiding these talks can lead to significant challenges and potential heartache down the line. This article explores the importance of broaching the topic of care preferences and the impact of these discussions, especially when considering a loved one with dementia.

The Risks of Deferring Conversations

Once the subject is brought up, there's a common belief that family members will say one thing and then change their minds when the time comes. This is particularly true given the unpredictable nature of dementia. Elders with dementia often exhibit behaviors such as accuses caregivers of theft, violence, and even extreme delusional actions like poisoning or destroying property. These behaviors extend beyond their usual personality, rooted in the part of the brain affected by the condition.

This erratic behavior can be so violent that it may necessitate anti-psychotic medications or permanent care in a nursing home. Imagine knowing you would be in such a state and having to burden your children with taking care of you. Would you want your adult children faces to life with a delusional, incontinent, and uncooperative individual who struggles with basic self-care?

Planning for the Future

Even if your body and mind are healthy, it is crucial to think about your preferences for care when you are in a state where you may not have the capacity to make such decisions. Most people would rather entrust their care to a paid professional than place the burden on their children.

Personal Experiences

I have shared blood with all those who are dear to me, and they have all passed on. Personally, once my father and brother passed, I no longer felt any familial obligations. I no longer engage with the abusive half-siblings due to my own PTSD and am estranged from my step-siblings. Not only have I lost my nuclear family, but I also recognize the peace of not having to care for an elder in my advanced age, despite my professional background in elder care.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Initiating conversations about end-of-life care preferences is essential. It helps ensure that your wishes are respected and that the burden is not placed on loved ones. It's a gift to your family and a way to maintain control over your end-of-life journey. Consider discussing your preferences with your family today to mitigate future stress and conflicts.