Did You Ever Marry Your Friend with Benefits?

My journey with my friend with benefits (FWB) began during my university years. It was an unconventional relationship, to say the least, and one that challenged my understanding of relationship dynamics and commitment.

The Unconventional Beginnings

I had two main relationships during those formative years—one with a steady boyfriend at university and another that was more casual and varied outside of it. My friend with benefits had a long-term relationship with a girlfriend of seven years, but he accepted my promiscuous lifestyle without judgment. He was always there for me, offering a shoulder to cry on during the breakup and rescuing me from awkward situations with my other casual partners.

A Deepening Connection

As time passed, his long-term relationship began to deteriorate. He turned to alcohol to cope, but thankfully, it wasn’t a severe issue. During this time, I was still in another relationship but he continued to visit, either for drinks or just to chat. Our physical relationship grew stronger, and the chemistry between us was undeniable. I found myself losing interest in all my other partners, which was a significant change in my lifestyle.

Resistance to Formal Commitment

Despite this deepening intimacy, we never talked about becoming a couple. We preferred not to talk much during our encounters and didn’t discuss staying together or getting married. When I ended my relationship with my boyfriend, I still kept a few casual dates on the side but was drawn to him. After two years of physical intimacy, I brought up the idea of commitment. To my disappointment, he refused and I attempted to hide my feelings for as long as I was with him.

A Forced Inscription

As I approached 30, my family started pressuring me about marriage, unaware of my friend with benefits status. He began dating other girls, which made me realize how bored I was with my casual encounters. This pushed me to give him an ultimatum: either commit to a serious relationship with me or end our connection entirely. I ignored his calls and messages and left him waiting outside my door for an entire night. It took nine months, but he finally agreed to my terms.

What followed was a whirlwind of wedding preparation, despite him being more focused on the wedding plans than the details. I wasn’t as enthusiastic about organizing details, and I bought my wedding shoes within 15 minutes at a roadside store. My friends joked about me being the most laid-back bride they'd ever seen. Our wedding was scheduled in a record three months, which surprised everyone, especially my family, who had no idea about our past.

A Shift in Dynamics

Now, married for nearly five years and with a few kids in tow, the sex we have is still great but less frequent due to my frequent pregnancy whenever we have unprotected sex. Despite this, I have developed a strong sense of respect for him. He is a wonderful father and a responsible husband, which was a pleasant surprise from someone I initially thought was solely focused on great sex.

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