Respecting Drag Queens: The Proper Reference for Gender Identity

When referring to a drag queen, it is imperative to adopt a respectful and mindful approach. The most appropriate way to address a drag queen is to use the name and pronouns they have chosen and are comfortable with. Drag queens often perform and present as women while in drag, which may include using feminine pronouns such as "she/her." However, it is essential for you to respect their identity and preferences by asking them directly how they would like to be addressed.

Four Guidelines for Proper Referencing

Here are four guidelines to follow when addressing a drag queen:

By Name

If you know a drag queen by a specific name other than 'drag,' use that name when interacting with them. If Michael Brown, a physics professor, is in his professional mode, address him as Mr. Brown. However, if he is dressed as Violet D-Lite, use Miss Violet.

Based on Visual Presentation

Observe the drag queen's visual presentation at the moment you are addressing them. If they present as female, use female pronouns. If they present as male, use male pronouns. If they identify as non-binary, they will likely explain their preference to you. For example, if you are meeting a drag queen in drag, you may refer to her as "she" unless they tell you otherwise. Similarly, if you meet a drag king, use "he" to address them.

Adapting to Context

Adapt your approach based on the context of the interaction. In a professional setting, it's best to stick with the same name and pronouns they use in their regular life. However, in a personal or informal setting, you can choose pronouns based on their visual and functional presentation. For instance, if you are interacting with a drag queen who is dressed in a feminine manner, you might use female pronouns even if they present as male in their everyday life. This can be a form of playful and respectful gender blending.

Respecting Boundaries

While it's important to respect the visual presentation, be mindful of personal boundaries. If a drag queen is in drag and presents in a feminine manner, you might address them in a "femme" manner. However, a "guy" callout when they are "dressed" can be seen as poorly considered and disrespectful. Always ask and observe before making assumptions.

Conclusion and Advice

Respecting a drag queen's identity and preferences requires mindfulness, respect, and sometimes a bit of flexibility. If you are in a personal relationship with a drag queen, you may be more flexible in your approach, but in professional settings, it's crucial to maintain consistency with how they identify and present. Remember, the key is to be respectful and to observe their visual and functional presentation to determine the appropriate pronouns to use.

Ultimately, the goal is to establish a respectful and inclusive environment where drag queens feel seen and heard. By adhering to these guidelines and showing respect for their chosen identity, you can contribute to a positive and accepting environment.