Autism and Love: Can an Autistic Person Be Liked or Loved?

My friend recently told me that she loved me, a revelation that got me thinking about the possibility of someone liking or loving an autistic person.

Is it possible for someone to like an autistic person?

Of course, it is possible for someone to like an autistic person. It just requires the right person to come along and appreciate the unique qualities that an autistic individual brings to the table.

Common Misconceptions

There is a misconception that only shallow neurotypicals (NT) can fall in love with autistic individuals. This is not true; people of all backgrounds and personality types can find the qualities of an autistic person attractive and endearing.

Preferences and Rejection

Autistic individuals might find it challenging to form romantic relationships with those who are constantly overwhelming them or trying to dominate them through verbal communication. We do better with people who are patient and understand our quirks. Additionally, some highly introverted neurotypicals might be a good match for us.

Personal Experiences

My experience with my NT wife, who is also autistic, has shown that it is indeed possible to love and be loved by an autistic person. Our relationship has produced five children, and four of them have also inherited the autistic traits. Four of my siblings and my brother’s eldest son are also on the spectrum. While some of them have had short-lived relationships, others have had more stable marriages. This collective experience attests to the possibility of love and acceptance in relationships involving autistic individuals.

Complex Dynamics

Autism is a spectrum, and different individuals may have different compatibility levels with others. For instance, my daughter who is also autistic is engaged to someone on the spectrum, while my nephew, who is also autistic, was divorced due to his impulsive decision. My father, who is autistic, has been married for 46 years, and my husband is also autistic and ADHD, a condition that often leads to difficulties with settling down in relationships.

Emotional Balance and Trust

While it may be harder for neurotypicals to balance their relationships with autistic partners, some of us may also find it challenging to be in relationships due to our emotional intensity and trust issues. The ADHD members of our family are often seen as more emotionally unstable, but some may be more inwardly focused and find it difficult to commit.

Motivations and Protection

Some of us on the spectrum might be motivated by a desire to be caring and to protect a broken person, while others might be more inclined to resist commitment and seek variety in their relationships. My brother’s partner, for instance, is a “leave me alone” type who is also a Narcissist. He is in his 40s and fears being found lacking in care for others, a fear that seems paradoxical given his lifestyle choices.

Religious and Personal Beliefs

Some of us might use religion as a coping mechanism or a form of protection. My younger son’s partner, for instance, is not interested in religious commitment but is deeply concerned about the judgment of God, which is a complex and multifaceted belief system. This fear is juxtaposed with his belief in his own goodness, a common belief among non-religious individuals.

The key takeaway is that while it may be challenging to find the right match, it is indeed possible for someone to like or love an autistic person. It requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to appreciate the unique qualities that an autistic individual brings to a relationship.