Navigating Social Challenges: Neurodiversity and Social Rules

Introduction

Those with ASD or Asperger's often grapple with the complex web of social rules. The demands of adhering to these unwritten rules can be overwhelming, leading to struggles in various aspects of life. Let's delve into the personal experiences and insights of individuals with ASD or Asperger's, focusing on the social rules they find most challenging.

Challenging Social Rules

The most fundamental social rule that many individuals with ASD or Asperger's find challenging is the necessity to adhere to social rules. It's a rule that, while seemingly simple, significantly simplifies life but can also be quite daunting. The rule of maintaining consistent eye contact, in particular, can be a source of distress. While many people find this a minor inconvenience, those with ASD or Asperger's often struggle with the overwhelming and stressful feelings it can evoke.

Eye Contact: A Struggle

Eye contact is a particularly complicated social rule for many with ASD or Asperger's. It's not that they dislike eye contact per se, but rather that it can feel extremely overwhelming and simulating. Maintaining eye contact can lead to looking away, which in turn can result in awkward silences or, in professional settings, the loss of job opportunities. This can be frustrating and demotivating, as there's a constant pressure to 'do the right thing' without necessarily understanding the underlying reasons or benefits.

Eliminating the Necessity of Clothing

For some with ASD or Asperger's, the thought of wearing clothes in public is so overwhelming that they would prefer to go without. The feeling of being covered in "thousands of crawling insects" is a common description. This sensory overload can be so intense that it affects daily life significantly. The struggle is not just about the physical sensation but also about the fear of being judged or perceived as unusual. This can lead to avoidance behaviors, isolating individuals from social interactions and public spaces.

Subtext and Small Talk: An Unneeded Burden

Subtext and small talk are areas where many with ASD or Asperger's expend a tremendous amount of energy. The ability to alter and monitor speech patterns to convey appropriate social nuances is essential but can be incredibly exhausting. These individuals often face stress and fatigue as they try to decipher the intent of others and adapt their communication accordingly. Small talk can feel robotic and mechanical, leading to a constant struggle to appear less 'robotic' and more socially adept.

No More Phone Calls

Switching from phone calls to text or email can be a relief for many with ASD or Asperger's. The delay between sending and receiving messages provides a buffer that helps manage the stress of real-time communication. The processing of verbal and written communication can be quite different, and while verbal communication can sometimes feel more natural, it can also be more stressful. The need for repetition, planning, and careful consideration in written communication can help alleviate some of the anxiety often associated with spoken interaction.

Bridging the Gap: A Call for Neurotypical Adaptation

Instead of expecting those with ASD or Asperger's to adapt, it's essential for neurotypicals to recognize and modify their social behaviors. This could include practicing the very same courtesy that they demand of others. For instance, maintaining eye contact should become a norm rather than a requirement. Overall, the social landscape could benefit greatly from a shift in expectations, making it more accessible and less stressful for everyone.

The need for such changes is not just a matter of convenience; it's about fostering a more inclusive and empathetic society. Recognizing the challenges faced by those with ASD or Asperger's and adapting accordingly can significantly improve the quality of life for these individuals, leading to more meaningful and fulfilling interactions in both personal and professional settings.

Conclusion

By examining the specific social rules that pose significant challenges to individuals with ASD or Asperger's, we can begin to understand the complexity of social interactions. Through empathy and adaptation, we can create a more inclusive society where everyone feels valued and supported. Whether it's the difficulty of making or breaking eye contact, the discomfort of wearing clothes in public, the strain of subtext and small talk, or the relief of text communication over phone calls, addressing these challenges can lead to a more cohesive and compassionate world.